I'm not gonna lie to you. This isn't an easy story to write. Its not something I ever wanted to write. Growing up all I ever wanted to be was a mom. I always imagined my family, with my husband and 2 or 3 kids, and all the traditions we would start and places we would visit and memories we would make before my kids would grow up and leave home, leaving my husband and I to grow old together and enjoy our grandkids coming to visit. I imagined I would be done having kids by the time I was 30. I pictured a little girl who looks like her daddy and a little boy who looked like me. Now I am 29 and my future isn't quite what I had pictured.
Deciding when to start trying for kids was a difficult decision for us. My husband wasn't ready for kids only a year after we got married, but I knew it would take time for all of the birth control that I was on previously to get out of my system. We finally decided to go off BC the August after our first anniversary, August 2013. My period didn't start until that Black Friday. I remember because I was out shopping when cramps started to hit me. I had a feeling then that this might be the easy, fun time that people normally expect. I knew my mom had a hard time getting pregnant with me. It took her 7 years. This was the first glimmer that I had of the path that was ahead of me.
I was still optimistic and when my next period should have started by Christmas...and didn't, I was getting excited and hopeful! I went out and bought two baby outfits, one boy and one girl. I was going to use those to announce the pregnancy to my husband once I finally got that positive test! (I still have those two outfits.) When my period started, I took it hard. It was a rough day emotionally, little did I know that this was just the beginning of the emotional rollercoaster.
Knowing that this might be more difficult than I anticipated, I started to research and learn about charting and tracking and getting to know my body and what was happening. It didn't take long to realize that my cycles were abnormally short. During this time period, I had many, many friends telling me to just relax and that I was doing too much and needed to stop and just let God to His thing and have faith. I was already stressed out at that point and took a few months off of charting and temping and tracking everything.
By now we are approaching July 2014, and the not tracking and relaxing wasn't really helping! I knew our insurance wasn't going to cover anything fertility related and all expenses would have to come out of our pockets so my choices were limited in what I could do. I began working with an acupuncturist and nutritionist, as well as getting regular chiropractic adjustments. My nutritionist and I discovered that I have a intolerance to gluten and dairy casein, in addition to extremely low progesterone levels and adrenal fatigue. Adjusting my diet to eliminate those was a very difficult task! I still find myself struggling with it, even after experiencing the difference in how I feel when those are not in my diet. We also started a routine of many supplements and progesterone to try to help regulate my hormone levels. Unfortunately, the person I was seeing was over an hour drive from me. I found myself having to take almost 1/2 a day off several times a month to travel for acupuncture treatments and the supplements were expensive.
I ran out of patience after about a year of trying this and finally made an appointment with a well known OB. I believe I scheduled the appointment in April and the soonest opening they had was July 3, 2015. I was dreading this. I really wanted the more natural approach to work. I didn't know how we could make the finances work. I was dreading the bills that were going to start piling up. I still wanted to stay somewhat natural and to solve the underlying issue. I didn't want to finally achieve a pregnancy and then lose it...that was one of my worst nightmares. I was still struggling in the days leading up to that July appointment. On June 28th at church, I had an aquantence approach me and share her struggle with infertility before adopting her beautiful baby. She had worked with an amazing doctor that works to solve the underlying issues instead of just looking at that final goal of just getting pregnant. I truly believe that her talking to me that day was God interviening and showing me the direction to take. Not only that, but I called his office the next day and he was able to get me in for an initial appointment on July 1st! Only 2 days later!! It was an answer to prayer, however now we were on the semi-medical route to try to get pregnant.
That first appointment was very encouraging. This doctor immediately agreed that it was a hormone issue and had a plan to solve it! We had to start tracking my cycles using the Creighton method and after two cycles of tracking, we did extensive bloodwork to see my exact hormone levels, basically every other day was a blood draw. I felt like a human pincushion. However, another amazing thing that came out of seeing this new fertility doctor was that he referred me to a new general doctor (Dr. E) that was closer to where I lived and was more geared towards the natural route as well. She also had worked with the fertility doctor's patients before and was familiar with his methods.
Late last October, we had a followup with the fertility doctor (Dr. M) to go over my blood test results. Unfortunately, we found out that we had a possible very, very early miscarriage the cycle in September that we did bloodwork. He said it could be a double peak, but it was more likely that it was a miscarriage that would never have been known about if we hadn't been doing the blood work. After discussing this, we decided to start HCG injections 4 times after my peak day (ovulation). The hope was that this would jumpstart my body into regulating hormones the way its supposed to.
We have been doing these injections since. After 6 months of no luck getting pregnant, we started on a series of 4 cycles of a very small dose of clomid, took one cycle off, and are now on our first of three cycles on a higher dose of clomid.
This isn't the end of my story, but the rest isn't mine to write. I don't know what is coming next. I don't know if I can put into words the emotional rollercoaster that I was on through the past few years. I have struggled with wondering if I was handling this "right", because I didn't go the typical route of treating infertility. I have been looked down on because of that. However, I know that I have followed God's plan for me. I can look back and see all the beauty that has come out of my pain over the past few years. My song that I have clung to lately when the emotions get to be too much is "Thy Will" by Hillary Scott. Hopefully it will touch your heart like it has mine.
I am the reigning Mrs. Wisconsin US Continental 2017 and have also struggled with infertility for the past 3 1/2 years. My husband and I have been married since May 26, 2012.